60 LIfe-Giving lessons about god, myself, & others

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I recently celebrated 60 trips around the sun. In the Bible, 40 days is considered a long time, so that means 60 years is a very, very long time! 🤣
 
I’m on the cusp of the fourth act of my life, and that’s a sobering thought considering there are only four acts! While recovering from a serious cycling accident several years ago, singer Amy Grant had a similar epiphany, but she used a sports metaphor, saying life is made up of four quarters:
 
First Quarter (birth to age 20): We’re growing and learning from our parents and teachers.
Second Quarter (ages 21-40): We’re journeying to figure out our purpose in life—often while raising families.
Third Quarter (ages 41-60): We’re focusing more on others as we seek to deepen our connections and give more of ourselves. (I would include God in the “others” category here, as our spirituality tends to deepen during this stage of life.)
Fourth Quarter (ages 61-80+): We’re looking back at the last three quarters and making sense of our mistakes and challenges—making meaning of our lives.
 
Of course, these delineations are not definitive, but they do hold some resonance for me. I see elements of both the third and fourth quarters in my life right now: a focus on loving God and others more deeply and making meaning of life and my life, in particular—which involves healing and integration.
 
Part of making meaning is reflecting on what we have learned. So, rather than attempting to offer witty observations or wise advice to mark my 60 years, I thought I would share 60 of the most transformational, life-giving lessons I’ve learned about God, myself, and others. These lessons are not unique to me; countless wise souls who have gone before me have spoken, written, preached, or sung about these lessons—most, if not all, of which echo the truths of scripture. Yet these lessons have become “mine” through my own lived experience. (Experience, after all, is how we truly learn anything—and how our beliefs are formed.)

These 60 lessons are not static but dynamic and ongoing because they deepen in me as I continue to have new experiences. They are realizations that are stretching and transforming me, often with some healthy “wrestling” in the process. My hope in sharing them with you is that something here might offer you encouragement, reassurance, inspiration, hope, or guidance for your own journey.

Here are three practical ways you could engage the list:

1. Read all 60 lessons, noting which ones resonate and which ones don’t. Pray or journal your thoughts.
2. Reflect on one thematic section at a time—perhaps for a day or two, or even a week—before moving on to the next one.
3. Ponder one lesson a day for 60 days.

Whichever approach you use, see what gets your attention. Ponder it. Ask God, “What do you want me to know about this?” If something is difficult for you to embrace, allow yourself to wrestle with it. Ask God, “Why is this difficult for me? Is there something you want me to consider?” Be open to whatever surfaces as you ponder each thought and talk with God about it. Invite God to help you make meaning of your life as you consider whether or not these lessons resonate. Just because they resonate with me does not mean that they will resonate with you. Our experiences and journeys are unique, and you can trust God to lead yours!

MY LIST OF 60 LIFE-GIVING LESSONS

(Note: I’ve written these lessons in first person to help you “try them on” and more easily notice if they resonate or not.)
 
God’s Loving Presence / The Love Loop
1. God is the source and sustainer of my life and as close as my breath. I could not exist apart from God.
2. God is always with me and God’s Spirit lives within me; this means I am never separate from God (though sometimes it feels as if I am).
3. The only place I can experience God’s love is here and now—the present moment.
4. I don’t seek God; I become aware that God is seeking me! God is always the initiator. Any desire I have for God comes from God. Often it manifests as a restlessness or a feeling that something is missing in my life. I can either acknowledge the feeling or attempt to numb it, stuff it down, or fill it with something/someone else. Either way, God never stops initiating loving connection with me.
5. I am loved because of who I am, not what I do. When I wake up in the morning, I am already loved without condition. As Henri Nouwen said, this means I begin each day as the Beloved.
6. God loves me as I am, not as I (or others) think I “should” be.
7. The love of the person who has loved me best of all is but a drop in the ocean of God’s great love for me!
8. God looks at me with eyes of great love, and God’s loving gaze is always turned toward me.
9. It is my experience of God’s love, not my knowledge of it alone, that transforms me.
10. The more I experience God’s love, the more I’m able to “live loved”—to live from my identity as God’s Beloved.
11. God showers me with “love gifts” every day—ordinary gifts through creation/nature, other people, and experiences—all so I can know God’s love and respond in love. This is the Love Loop: God loves me, and I respond by loving God and others. Often we flip the order, trying to love God and others first in order to be worthy of love.

My Version of “Jesus Loves Me”
 
Jesus loves me this I know,
for the Bible tells me so.
He gives me love gifts every day,
in so many different ways.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
He shows me every day.
 
12. The more I’m aware of and receive God’s gifts of love, the more I’m able to love others. I cannot give what I have not received. I cannot “will” myself to be more loving. But if I will allow myself to be loved by God, God’s love will flow naturally through me.

Worth/Value
13. Despite our differences and disagreements, we all are beautiful creations of our amazing God—each of us created in the image of God.
14. What God thinks of me is more important than what others think of me; God’s opinion is the only one that truly matters.
15. Because I am an image bearer of our Creator God, every part of me is worthy of love. Love, not criticism, is what opens me to transformation and change (sanctification).
16. God is more interested in connection than correction. It is loving connection, not correction, that facilitates lasting change in me.
17. God not only loves me but actually delights in me. I feel God’s delight when I allow myself to receive/experience God’s love.

Feelings/Inner Life
18. I cannot know myself apart from knowing God, and I cannot know God apart from knowing myself. Times of silence and solitude are necessary for both! Silence and solitude are essential if I want to grow and mature spiritually.
19. Everything (my thoughts, feelings, and circumstances) moves me one way or the other—either toward growth in God or away from growth in God. Spiritual discernment is becoming aware of how something is moving me so that I may then choose what leads to the deepening of God’s life and love in me.
20. We have to feel it to heal it. There are no bad emotions; my emotions are gifts of God intended to give me important information about what’s happening within me so I can gain understanding and respond in healthy ways. Talking about my challenges and sharing difficult feelings is not showing weak faith or complaining. Like opening the valve on a pressure cooker, it allows me to release emotions in a safe and healthy way.
21. When I seem to get stuck emotionally, I can accept my stuck-ness with self-compassion and patience (rather than judge it), trusting that God is working and will help me through it if I simply allow myself to feel what I feel. Welcoming my emotions is what allows me to move through them.
22. Positive thinking is not an effective way to handle my emotions if it keeps me from authentic emotional expression. An emotion must be acknowledged and witnessed to be released or healed
23. Using scriptures or religious platitudes to avoid painful emotions is spiritual bypassing, and it prevents healing. A strong faith does not mean turning my struggles, doubts, or difficult emotions into clichés but turning to God in the midst of them with authenticity. God can handle my sorrow, disappointment, and anger.
24. My pain is as valid as anyone else’s pain. Comparison is never helpful when it comes to suffering or blessing.
25. Minimizing pain does not lessen it but only masks it.

Spiritual Growth/Practices
26. The spiritual journey is a process of letting go of self-effort, striving, and shame so that God can help me to be my authentic or true self—who I am meant to be. Spiritual growth comes through surrender, not striving.
27. Spiritual practices are not about performance; they’re about positioning me to encounter God.
28. There are no one-size-fits-all spiritual practices, and it’s okay for my spiritual practices to look different than those of others. I have to make spiritual practices my own according to how God designed me, which includes giving myself permission to change or adapt my practices as I and my circumstances change.

Suffering & Healing
29. Facing my fear doesn’t mean conquering it but bravely naming it. Naming my fear opens me to a way forward, despite what is happening, through connection with God and others.
30. God cares about my pain, and God’s desire is to comfort, console, and counsel me. I may not always receive answers or solutions, but I will always receive loving presence and guidance.
31. When I practice looking for life in the midst of adversity, my focus shifts from fear to hope. Paying attention to what is life-giving around me helps me to see Jesus in my midst, regardless of my circumstances.
32. Hope is not tied to external circumstances but to internal assurances. Hope flows from knowing that whatever happens, I am loved and never alone. God is with me in my suffering and grieves with me.

Relationships, Conflict & Forgiveness
33. Life is full of joy and sadness simultaneously, and I can hold both at the same time. Life is never all one thing or another—it’s both/and.
34. I desire to be known as I truly am with safe people—to take off the masks I sometimes wear and allow them to witness my most authentic self. This involves risk and sometimes pain (even rejection), but it’s worth it because I cannot have abundant life without deep connections.
35. There can be no true intimacy with God or others apart from vulnerability and authenticity.
36. Simply taking a few deep breaths and getting curious about what’s happening inside me (and others) helps me move from a defensive or offensive posture to a more neutral one.
37. Sometimes setting a healthy boundary is the most loving thing I can do. Loving others does not mean allowing them to cause harm to me or others.
38. When others are hurtful, I can become defensive and critical, which fuels shame. Or I can get curious about what’s going on in me. Others’ hurtful actions have little to nothing to do with me and are mostly about their own hurts and wounds.
39. When others choose not to be a part of my life, I can let them go in peace. My worth is inherent, and I do not need to prove my worth to someone who cannot see it. The less I feel I must have the love or approval of someone to feel good about myself or validate my worth, the more satisfied I will be with the sufficiency of Christ’s love.
40. We tend to be the hardest on ourselves. Because of God’s grace through Christ, I can offer myself the same grace and kindness God extends to me; I can give grace to myself just as I would to a close friend.
41. Those who truly care about me want to know the good and the bad in my life and will walk with me through both.
42. Forgiveness is not natural, it is supernatural. Only when we are ready and able to surrender the person and situation into the hands of God can God do the supernatural work of forgiveness in and through us. Most often forgiveness is a process that takes time as we process our pain, and God understands and has great compassion for the depth of our pain. Forgiveness is not forgetting what was done, forsaking a desire for justice, or forcing reconciliation. Nor does it require an admission of wrong or apology. Forgiveness is an inside job.

Enjoying God / Joy
43. God delights in me simply because I am God’s child—not because of what I do or don’t do. I experience God’s delight when I live from my authentic self and my identity as God’s beloved—not the false self that tries to perform, please, and control.
44. Just being with God and enjoying each other’s company is never a waste of time; it actually restores much of what my “productive time” has stolen from me.
45. Appreciating beauty and cultivating a sense of wonder enable me to be present in the moment and experience joy. These are essential practices for the wellbeing of my soul.
46. God has a great sense of humor. Sometimes I just need to lighten up and laugh with God!

Awareness of God’s Presence & Voice
47. God “speaks” in endless ways—scripture, the voice within, nature, other people, books, podcasts, sermons, music, art, circumstances, dreams and visions, countless everyday experiences, and even silence. God is constantly communicating, showing me more of who God is and what God desires for me. And in those times when I cannot hear God and God seems silent, I can be encouraged by St. John of the Cross, who said, “Silence is God’s first language.” Silence can get my attention, prepare me to hear God, and help me to listen more deeply.
48. God speaks most often in a still, small voice. And God doesn’t mind repeating what God has said! Even when I “hear” God through nature or another person, the way I understand what God is saying to me sounds like a voice within.
49. If I will get still and quiet, the God who dwells within will speak. I can hear and trust God’s voice within me.
50. God’s voice is always compassionate and loving—even when reproving or redirecting me. Shame and condemnation are not congruent with God’s voice.
51. There are "burning bush" moments every day—ordinary moments that become extraordinary when God breaks through the mundane and communicates through everyday experiences I might be tempted to overlook or dismiss. All I have to do is pay attention and be curious.
52. A great question to ask every day is, “Where did I see or experience God today?” This increases my awareness of the presence and activity of God in my life.

Desires, Graces, and Gifts
53. My deepest desires (not to be confused with fleshly desires) are planted within me by God. Focusing on these deepest desires is not selfish; it is the way to center my life in God.
54. I’ve learned that a balanced life is unrealistic because some areas of life are more demanding at times. What serves me better is a rhythm of life (some call it a rule of life)—a set of life-giving habits that help me to live into my most authentic self and experience the fullness of life and love God desires for me.
55. When I don’t know what to do, I can simply do the next necessary (right) thing, recognizing God’s grace truly is sufficient moment by moment.
56. Our culture conditions us to produce and perform. We’re told that if something is worth doing, then it’s worth doing more, better, and faster. That may be good for business, but it’s bad for the soul! In our driven culture, the way to a more fulfilling life is, paradoxically, to do less, be “good enough,” and go slower. We miss God’s graces and gifts when we’re preoccupied with “doing.”
57. Though sometimes my needs might be too great for others, I can never be too needy for God. God invites me to come as I am, bringing all my needs and longings to him.
58. God showers us with radical grace, which is lovingkindness without judgment. God’s grace is freely given, not earned. As I receive this grace, I then can extend it to myself. (If I’m not able to offer myself grace, am I really receiving God’s grace for me?)
59. The more I accept myself as I am, the more I can let go and trust God to do the work in me that only God can do.
60. We don’t have to worry if we’re “going too far” with grace because we can’t out-grace God! 

Of course, these are only some of the lessons I’ve learned about God, myself, and others. There are so many more! But these are the ones that rise to the top for me in this season of my life. They have been particularly formative and healing for me in the last decade of my life, and they are the things I tend to share most often with others, whether through blogs, retreats, classes, or conversations. I hope my list offers something to you—if nothing else, a nudge to consider compiling your own list of life-giving lessons. I can tell you that doing so will be an incredibly life-giving experience in itself!
 
Here’s to continually learning and growing and deepening God’s life and love in us all our days!