what's saving my life lately: radical grace

Have you ever seen people on social media ask, “What has been saving your life lately?” I’m always interested to read the responses. For me, the answer is two simple but powerful words: radical grace.

Growing up as a preacher’s kid, I’ve been “swimming” in the waters of grace all my life—learning about grace, singing about grace, receiving grace, extending grace—yet not always consistently and certainly not perfectly. Though I can say that God’s radical grace literally saves me every day, and I’m overwhelmingly grateful for that, it wasn’t until just a few years ago, when I began my journey through the nine-month Retreat in Daily Life (the Spiritual Exercises), that I truly began to extend this same radical grace to myself. And that has been a game changer for me.

What does it mean to offer ourselves radical grace? And what is grace anyway? It's one of those "church words" that is used so often it can get watered down and lose its impact. Grace can be defined as unmerited favor, and that means undeserved approval or kindness. In other words, radical grace is lovingkindness without judgment--freely given, not earned. And the source of this lovingkindness is God. In John’s Gospel we read, “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.... For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace” (John 1:14, 16 ESV). In addition to God’s general grace, evident in so many gifts that are ours to enjoy every day, we have God’s specific and ultimate gift of grace through Jesus Christ. Because of Jesus, we have unlimited forgiveness,  unconditional acceptance, and never-ending love.

Radical grace is lovingkindness without judgment—freely given, not earned.

Because God showers us with radical grace, we can extend to ourselves the same grace that we receive from God. Brennan Manning writes, “Genuine self-acceptance is not derived from the power of positive thinking, mind games or pop psychology. IT IS AN ACT OF FAITH in the God of grace.”1 To put it simply, because God accepts us as we are, we can do the same, trusting that our faithful God will do the work of refining and shaping us. This point is critical. God is the one who changes us, though we are involved in the process. So, if God accepts us completely as we are in every moment, continually showering us with lovingkindness, we can too. This kind of radical self-acceptance, made possible by God’s radical grace, is what opens us to true transformation.

I’ve found this to be true in my own life, especially during the last 18 months, which have been filled with so much loss, fear, change, transition, conflict, division, and uncertainty. I’ve discovered that offering myself radical grace in the midst of the highs and the lows, just as God does, opens me to God’s deeper work within. Radical grace helps to shine a light on those tricky and sometimes imperceptible obstacles within us such as unrelenting obligation, performance, comparison, criticism, false guilt, and shame so that I can talk honestly with God about them, leading to healing and freedom.

Offering myself radical grace in the midst of the highs and the lows, just as God does,
opens me to God’s deeper work within.

Of course, I am and always will be a work in progress. But it helps me to know that God’s love is continually at work in my life, regardless of what I may be thinking or feeling on any given day. Paradoxically, the more I accept myself as I am, the more I can let go and trust God to do the work that only God can do.

The more I accept myself as I am, the more I can let go and trust God to do the work that only God can do.

So, what does offering ourselves radical grace look like? Here are a few examples:

• When we're doing all we can in a given moment but feel we’re not measuring up, we can accept our efforts as good enough instead of berating ourselves or striving and working harder, pushing ourselves to the point of exhaustion or burnout.
• When disappointment or loss comes, we can allow ourselves to acknowledge and experience our grief instead of minimizing or burying our hurt.
  
• When our feelings are undesirable, all over the map, or overwhelming, we can honor them, listening to what each one has to tell us instead of judging, criticizing, or ignoring it.
• When we have conflict or misunderstanding in a relationship, we can admit that we’re imperfect—as is the other person—rather than blaming or criticizing (ourselves or the other person) or “spinning” in negative thoughts as we replay the situation in our minds.

 
This isn't easy. Many of us find it much easier to give grace to others than to ourselves. As the saying goes, we are our own worst critics. We would never speak to a friend the way we sometimes speak to ourselves—with harsh, unkind, and even condemning words. The truth is that our inner critic is only a part of us, and this part needs radical grace, too! We can begin by speaking to our inner critic with compassion, love, and kindness, thanking it for trying to help us do better while affirming that it’s okay to be just as we are in this moment as we look to God for whatever help we need.

As with anything, it takes practice to get better at giving ourselves radical grace—which goes beyond “knowing” that God gives us grace. And "practicing" radical grace requires time and persistence. But here's the good news: the more we do it, the easier it becomes to…

• let go of guilt, shame, and anger when things aren’t going as we think they should.
  
• accept how and where we are right now, at this point in our journey, instead of judging and criticizing ourselves.
• be our true selves rather than comparing ourselves and our lives to others.
• acknowledge and express our authentic thoughts and feelings in safe ways with safe people.
• stop feeling “less than” or guilty when our relationship with God is not as we would like it to be (such as when we’re bored with spiritual practices, feeling distant or disconnected from God, not hearing God, or angry at God).
• release our expectations and agendas while holding onto hope and continuing to dream.

I encourage you to give radical grace a try. Start small and be persistent. Then begin offering yourself more and more radical grace—just as God does—and watch God work. And remember, you don’t have to worry if you’re “going too far” with grace because you can’t out-grace God! God can be trusted to complete the work begun in you. My prayer is that you, too, will be able to say that grace has not only saved your life but is saving it each and every day.

You don't have to worry if you're "going too far" with grace because you can't out-grace God!

1. Excerpt from The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out, Brennan Manning (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah, 2008), 32.